He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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