The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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