forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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