yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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