when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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