You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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