it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
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It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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