went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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