sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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