Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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