Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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