i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My vagina is very pro this idea
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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