U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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