I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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