You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize