Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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