Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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