Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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