hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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