well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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