She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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