mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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