Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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