I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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