i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he fucked my hip out of place.
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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