Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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