talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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