mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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