I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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