this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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