I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
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One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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