She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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