i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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