Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
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Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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