How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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