no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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