3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
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If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
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The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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