There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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