some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize