ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize