Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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