she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize