Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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