I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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