Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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