Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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