it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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