so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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