Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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