dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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